Bigvai and Shiphrah

My Breakup with Video Games

I’ve been dating video games for 20 years. But in early-mid 2019 we broke up. I was um-ing and ahr-ing about the decision for a little while by that stage. Our relationship was progressing well. I’d played all the Dark Souls games and completed them multiple times. But sometimes you get that inkling that a relationship is just holding you back… you know. By this stage I had tossed the ‘break-up speech’ around in my cranium for many months at least. I’d consulted ex-gamers on their own experience and also current gamers on their opinions.

As with many things, what got me over the line was that I just decided to give it a go. With many of these things I tend not to have a grey zone. In this case I didn’t test the waters by saying, “I’ll give up video games for 30 days and see what happens…”, I just gave them up and immediately tried to fill the void with other things I’d prepared before hand – such as music practice.

In the weeks following I learnt gypsy jazz and felt I’d really won out on this trade off. In the months following I became much more productive in a consistent and steady way; better reading habits, more assignment work happening, general admin tasks were getting ticked off sooner rather than later.

Video games for me were something of a relaxant. But increasingly I found myself not experiencing that relaxation I would expect to. More often I was left a little hotwired on adrenaline which is such a predictable bait-and-switch but still we love to ignore it especially because video games are such trigger-happy fun.

A worry I had was not been able to find something to ‘relax’ with in lieu of the pixels. But it was ill warranted concern. Turns out I didn’t need to relax with anything else. I was actually fine. I simply enjoyed more those activities I was already doing such as bike riding, walking with friends, watching the occasional SBS on demand show for free with no financial burden whatsoever.

So do I still play video games? Yes. I’m a filthy hypocrite that’s been lying the whole time. I actually play video games with my wife but they are two player local co-op games – which has been way more fun than any single player game to date. Why? Because what we do isn’t so much about what we do (at least not as much as we think it is). It’s about who we do it with. I’ve loved video games more for playing them with my wife and with my friends (in person, not online). And this has carried over into my life in general. Whether by causation or correlation, I do find myself spending more time in person with my friends without any mediating screen.

Currently at the time of writing, there is the global pandemic of COVID19 occurring. And for obvious reasons video games sales, consumption and livestreaming is going up. We simply can’t see people as much and have ample opportunity to play them and incentive to do so. But I don’t think what I’ve experienced is effected so much by this. In fact perhaps I’ve coped well with the lockdowns because I don’t play video games…

So, should you give up video games???

Yeah, probably.

On Envy

For some months now I have been thinking about envy. Both myself at times feeling envious of others and realising that other people may feel envious of me. As I begin this, I need to say that this post is not intended to be negative, but rather a bemused reflection upon the irony of this vice.

I’ll begin with a scenario: there are two people, both friends. One of them wanted to have a career in a particular creative industry but after their degree instead re-trained into a career path which took them into a stable and lucrative, albeit boring and at times stressful, full-time government job. Their friend also wanted to work in the same creative industry, but after their degree they went on to pursue this as a career, working an unstable part-time job to sustain themselves while they tried, with limited success, to get their freelance business up and happening. The first friend moved out of home into a rental. The second friend, however, stayed at home – apparently feeling unable to move out due to the instability of their income – although they did have some work in their chosen field. Some time later, the first friend entered the realestate market with the purchase of their first apartment. The purchase caused them great stress and they felt less than satisfied with the quality of the unit and its location, but they bought it nonetheless. In addition to this, they then faced the pressure of a mortgage and at the time felt trapped in a boring job.

However, the second friend felt envious of them. Why? Because the first friend had a stable job and enough money to buy property and move out of home.

Ironically though, the first friend also had reason to be envious of the second. Why? Because the second friend, although poorer, was pursuing what appeared to be a varied and interesting career – the very career that the first friend had originally wanted.

Both wanted something that the other had. Both felt envious.

This scenario is based off real people and real circumstances (albeit with details adjusted). But I write about it because for me it seemed to illustrate the sheer irony of envy. Who would envy the struggles and hardships that both people felt? And yet it is so easy to want just the good things that someone else has (particularly when we feel we lack them) and yet to be blind to the difficulties that are also part of their situation!

Such realisations cause me to laugh at the ridiculous irony of my own envy when I become aware of it. Yet as I think about this irony, I see it playing out again and again in my own and other’s lives.

The irony continues: a few years ago I got married. When my future husband asked me out I was going through a career-woman period, felt content being single and wasn’t thinking about looking to start a relationship. When we got engaged and then married I even had a period of feeling somewhat conscience-stricken that some of my girl friends who were single and dearly wanted to be married were still single – while I, who had not been looking for a spouse, had been given one (and he’s rather lovely too). However, in the process of adjusting to married life I then had times of feeling envious of the freedom of some of my single friends – quite possibly of friends who may have felt envious of me for different reasons. What a ridiculous situation indeed!

As I think about all of this, and the diverse situations that different people have, I am reminded that God is the giver of them all – and they are all gifts from him. I do not know why God gives particular opportunities and life circumstances to some people and different ones to others. Yet I do know that he is good. And ironically in each of them we have the decision to seek contentment or to entertain some reason to be envious of another.

Some months ago, when I was endeavouring to stave off some particularly envious sentiments, I read Psalm 23. It might not seem like a proof text for such a subject (and it isn’t) but it was very helpful for me as I was reminded that God is the shepherd of each of his people. He is the one who provides us with what we need in each season (and here I am reading the line, ‘I shall not want’ as meaning, ‘I shall not be in need’). He is the one who gives us rest and restores our souls. And so, why should I be envious of what God in his shepherd-ly care has provided to another? He cares for me too. I’m not going to miss out on his care – because in his wisdom he will provide me with what I need – even though I may not always fully know what that is. And as he is the shepherd of each of us, I can be confident that he will care for my Christian friends too – each with their own particular struggles and enviable circumstances.

Challenging the Emotional Nerve Reflex

No doubt, if I asked you to think about a difficult question or a challenging topic, perhaps you automatically think of a rather negative example. When we think about difficult and challenging things we automatically associate those things with negativity like an emotional nerve reflex. We struggle with the idea of suffering. A difficult topic might be political polarization. A challenging question like “why did the Vietnam war happen?” doesn’t conjure up pleasant feelings.

Having such an intellectual bent means we may miss the fact that difficulty and challenge can be associated with some of the most awesome and exhilarating topics and questions to be pondered by any person. But of course the pending automatic recoil at the emotional distress holds us back from this adventure. Naturally we want to avoid this negativity. However, it’s not only the negatives we are avoiding, but also the joys we are (unknowingly) avoiding.

Thinking on the character of God is a very challenging and yet deeply rewarding experience. To consider the nature of the Trinity has some of the deepest mysteries embedded into it. To pick through the nature of the atonement is not only to face the horror of it, but more so the inexhaustible depths of God’s love. Even pondering the most difficult paradox of all (at least by our standards), human suffering, offers rewards of insight into the character of God we would never get otherwise.

Don’t let difficulty put you off the joys of these discoveries. If you think the pain of tough topics is too great to warrant their consideration, consider the opposite, that the joys of God’s unsearchable character are more rewarding than even the most painful struggles.

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!” (Rom. 11:33)

The Contexts of our Prayers

When we think about the prayer warriors of old and current, we often do so with the mind to emulate their great examples: time spent in prayer, prayer through all hours, prayers of great magnitude, prayer for specific things that are then answered miraculously. We consider what they have done and transplant their practices into our lives to achieve what they achieved. However, there is an issue with this. We are unhelpfully taking their prayers out of their contexts.

The African church in the African culture looks very different to our current setting (although Australia is a multicultural place). Likewise, the Asian church will spend much longer in ‘prayer’ than I experience myself. But even within my own experience and within my own borders I have done this. When I went from my Pentecostal/charismatic church setting and denomination to my current evangelical denomination, one thing I made note of was the difference in prayer practices. We spent much longer in prayer and would pray more often at my old Pentecostal churches. At the time I took it as a criticism on the evangelical scene in Sydney thinking that we should pray more because they pray more. I’ve since changed my mind (not meaning we should pray less).

Consider what prayer is and consider what prayer does. In all these instances, if we transplant another’s prayer habits into our contexts, what we are often thinking is that, “if we pray like them then more prayers will be answered” or even that more is better – more time, more often, more volume, more words. It can become formulaic: effort spent = results. Our thinking can become skewed from the true purpose of prayer. Thus we must consider carefully what prayer is, asking ourselves, “who changes what in prayer?” How would you answer that? If we think praying more, and praying “harder” will make our prayers more “powerful” then I think we’ve missed the mark on prayer. All this thinking demonstrates our desire to change God with our prayers.

Prayer, however, is not changing God, but responding to God. As God speaks (disclosing himself and his will in Jesus) we then are responding to God’s will in dependence. At the same time, prayer is an invitation by God to join in accomplishing his will, that is, he has asked us to ask him. We aren’t setting the agenda, but God is. Consider then the ultimate focus of prayer is not the person praying or the action itself but instead the object, God our Heavenly Father.

Having this in our minds as we consider the prayer of others is a guard against our innate desires to emulate for the sake of results. Nevertheless, we ought to emulate the good example of others as it spurs us on to depend on God our Father more, or as it deepens our relationship with our Father in Heaven.

Consider prayer in our context. I think it is remarkable that in our busy age we Christians value prayer so much as to give up entertainment, and to give up the pressure of endless, urgent tasks in order to pray. We are goal-orientated, result-driven westerners. We can’t escape this because that’s our context and culture. But as we take those 15 minutes of our day to pray to the Lord, we are indeed doing a wildly counterintuitive action. Outwardly it looks like prayer achieves nothing as we sit idly and pray silently or scratch out our prayers to the Lord on paper only to turn the page and write up our practical “action plan” to-do list for the day. Instead, we might be thinking that 15 minutes isn’t enough. But that’s to miss the object for the action. On the flip side, perhaps all this shows the poor valuation of our prayers. The spiritual reality is much greater than we realize.

But then again I might just be justifying my busy life and lack of time spent in prayer. I haven’t yet read “A Call to Spiritual Reform” (or ‘Praying with Paul’ as it’s re-branded) by Don Carson. Check back with me later. I might have totally flipped.

Faithless Prayer…?

Is it possible to truly pray before you are a Christian?

As I have thought about prayer recently and talked with others about it, I think that this is a common thought and a common question that we have. The answer, of course, depends on your definition.

Generally speaking, people hold to a very broad view of prayer, meaning that prayer can legitimately take on many forms and many practices. For some, prayer might involve meditation and silent thoughts directed at the universe. Or prayer might involve rosary beads and statues. Prayer could be directed towards one God or many gods. This broad view of prayer is really focusing on the action itself, without reference to the object receiving prayer. In a sense, this is a legitimate view of prayer. It basically takes into account the common action associated with prayer regardless of the object. It’s also the way that most people understand prayer.

However, strictly speaking (or at least from a Christian/Theological point of view), prayer is a very specific thing or more to the point is directed to a very specific person. Christian prayer is directed towards the one and only God. And we know this God because he has revealed himself to us in the Lord Jesus Christ. The revelation of God is essential in defining prayer rightly. Typically we may think of prayer as, “talking to God.” But because of the revelation of God in Jesus, we really must refine the definition. Prayer is our response to God as he speaks to us.

Consider the basis for Christian prayer. Because of Jesus’ death, resurrection and ascension, and because we have faith in him, because we are united with him, and because he sends his spirit to bring us life, we are then adopted as sons and call God our Father. It is because of this that every prayer of ours is heard by the Father. It is because we are adopted as sons that we can even approach God as Father.

With this in mind then, is it possible to pray to God before we are Christian? The way I see it there are two possible answers.

Without having faith in Christ it is indeed possible to pray in some limited sense. That is, if you consider prayer as merely talking to something bigger than yourself then anyone can pray to anything. But theologically the Bible tells us that there is indeed only one God and that all other gods are mere idols fashioned by man. This includes all man-made notions of the one God, meaning that we can have a completely incorrect and idolatrous view of the God of the Bible. These ideas and ‘gods’ have neither ears nor mouths that they can hear and respond. Nor do they have hands that they might do anything. So again in a sense, this could be considered prayer. But it is prayer in blatant rejection of who God has revealed himself to be, and it is useless. In fact, it is not only useless but sinful. In many instances those praying treat prayer as a bit of a lottery ticket. You put in the money and you hope to get something out of it. I think as humans we have this idea that we can approach any god or gods in whatever way we want and ask whatever we want to like it doesn’t matter. But nothing could be further from the truth.

My second answer is that anyone can try and approach God in prayer, but for those of us who approach God without the Lord Jesus, without faith in him, we are approaching God the judge. We are approaching God in all of our sinfulness and with all of our enmity towards him. But for those of us who approach God through Jesus, we will approach God as adopted sons because of the sonship of Jesus. And that means we will approach God as our loving father. But even if we wouldn’t call ourselves a Christian, yet are earnestly seeking the Lord as he is revealed himself in scripture, and this then ultimately leads to us calling on the name of the Lord in faith for forgiveness and grace, then we would look at such an instance and attribute that to the gracious work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Sin is so deeply embedded within us that we would never naturally call out to the God that we have rejected. But through the regeneration of the Spirit and the faith that follows, we then pray to the Father through Jesus the Son. This is true prayer, and it takes a Christian to do it.

“…when we were children, [we] were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.” (Gal. 4:1–7)

“For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.” (Rom. 8:14–17)

The Glorious Book You Can’t Read

Have you heard this before? “I just finished reading [insert amazing book]. I think it would be undeniably perfect for what you’re thinking about. You are under every conceivable obligation to read it!” So, after hearing these exact words and quickly opening up Amazon you one-click-buy and hoist your sails for a new and better horizon with endless learning possibilities. How beautiful it will be!

What a beautiful day it was for me. I can see them now looking me in the eye with all seriousness, the tears welling up. Perhaps they are a trusted and learned friend who has nothing but love for us. Well for me, it was lecturers and college friends. And the recommendation? Nothing less than John Owen’s “Communion with God”. The path was laid out before me and if I had any hurdles to bound over, all were broken down. There was no wall of hostility between me and John Owen’s book. For you see, like the gift of grace, I found it free in a chuck-out pile (the fleece was indeed covered with dew). Furthermore, grace abounded because it was in easy-to-read English and was abridged (If you are familiar with John Owen then you know that this is an essential amendment for our modern sensibilities).

Did I read it? No. For all the easy-to-read-ness and for all the bridging that was done the book simply did not grasp me enough to keep me reading on. All along I knew it was worth going through those glorious Owen ideas because of just how profound they are, how much influence they have had, how many people recommended it and because those recommending it were of the highest calibre in character and trustworthiness.

But I tell you, like the seed that was thrown in shallow soil to grow up with all zeal and haste only to suffer a sun stricken, soul-withering experience, such was I when I read John Owen’s book.

So what did I do? Well, at first I felt a little guilty (the kind of guilt like when you said you were going to do the dishes because you thought it would be the right thing to do but then when you get to the dishes you realise you don’t really want to do the dishes even though it is the right thing to do so you only do them half-heartedly and they end up only being half dirty dishes by the end anyways so the next time you go to use the dishes that are meant to be clean they are not actually clean because you didn’t really clean them well when you did the dishes in the first place and now your wife is looking at you and looking at the dirty dishes and all you can do is give puppy dog eyes filled with remorse and guilt – it’s that kind of guilt). Slight digressive illustration aside, this was a book that I had tried to read before. Now I was trying again because I had a bit more time. I also had a recent burst of excited energy in regards to reading because I had read other books on the topic and wanted to go to a different source in a different age. But for one reason or another, I couldn’t read this book. So I put it back on my bookshelf on the top row with all the other books that I’ve tried to read but not enjoyed. The top shelf is akin to a little purgatory for the books that I own. Doubtless some of them will be given away, or worse… but I don’t think that will be the fate of John Owen’s book Communion with God. If I had to prognosticate its future then I would say there is a glimmer of hope. With a book such as this, I will endeavour to return to it at a later date because of the recommendations – and its importance is not something I want to take lightly. Nor do I want to only read literature I’m enjoying. As with many things, reading not excluded, there is a certain degree of perseverance that is required and at times a greater degree than we first expect.

I encourage you if you are struggling to read because you are suffering from an intellectual “thorn in the flesh” to not give up too soon. Put it back on the shelf for another time or another season. Perseverance is not just gritting your teeth through a present grind. It could also be, ‘try again later.’ Much like our diets. There are different foods that appease our ever shifting pallets. We like certain flavours and dislike others only to find out that months down the track our bodies have undergone a complete switch. Of course some books will always be like sugary treats to us – just consider, fried bananas with sugar on yoghurt with berry syrup will never cease to be appetising – but other sorts of books will be like boiled broccoli. We know all too well that bodybuilders eat only chicken, broccoli and rice. And yet for us, “the spirit is willing but the body is weak.” Therefore, let us say with Paul, “I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching (a.k.a. recommending books) to others I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Cor. 9:27).

“Wards of Life” Book Review

Want meaningful Christian content with a twist? Even if you don’t you should watch this book review against your own will and desire – like I do when my wife cooks vegetables for dinner. My hope is that these reviews get you exited to read these books. But not too excited. Reading can be fun, but don’t have too much fun. Because it’s reading. “Everything in moderation“, that’s what mum and dad said. But I didn’t listen and instead made this totally un-moderated video.

Enjoy.

On Reading.

When I finished my degree at Moore Theological College last year I wanted to make sure that one item on my self-help productivity list was reading books. But there’s a lot to read and so we need to prioritize what we’re going to feed our eyes, ears and hopefully brain. At the top of the list were books on some of the fundamental doctrines of the Christian faith. These were books I had read before but wanted to go over again and some books I hadn’t read yet. I read a book on the Trinity, the atonement but also on wisdom literature, pornography and certain books of the Bible I was preaching on at the time.

When it comes to choosing a book to read you might choose one because you’re faced with a situation in church life and ministry or because something is going on in the world that you need to think more about. Our motivation for reading books on these topics is to gear us up to help address the present situations that we’re in – especially if they’re novel. Yet even amidst the ever-changing tides of the world I’ve wanted to make sure I don’t skimp on the fundamentals. Doctrines like the Trinity, the atonement and scripture will apply to every aspect of life and every season of life. It can be tempting to only read up on cultural critiques or pastorally relevant material – at least that’s something I find tempting. With this in mind I set myself the goal of trying to read up on these fundamentals regularly and to encourage Christians in my church and others more broadly to do the same for the same reason.

One of those dietary essentials is the doctrine of scripture. I had read Tim Ward’s book – or at least parts of it – during my studies but thought it worthwhile to read the whole book again because of the importance of the doctrine (definitely not because I’ve forgotten any of the material!). There’s more to it than that though. I was listening to a podcast a few weeks ago (I’ve since forgotten which one it was) that made a great point about reading books. You could have a question and you look up the answer to that particular question (say, in an article addressing it) but when you read a book you absorb all the peripheral data on the topic that then informs you more generally. Think about what that does for you in the long run. All the peripheral knowledge tends to answer the questions we will have before we have them. It also gives us a catalogue of tools and resources so that when we do face something we have somewhere to go, we have a book we can go to. We discover all the hidden chocolate we’ve got in the back of the cupboard.

Anyways I’ve gotten off on a tangent. Basically, I know that the doctrine of scripture is something worth investing my time and energy into understanding well. But it’s not just that I’m reading for my own sake. Something that has been at the forefront of my mind as I read is that I am reading also for the sake of others, particularly those in my church and other circles that I engage with. It’s very easy to think that reading is primarily a self serving activity – because of course it will always be at least a self-serving activity in that we must be the person reading the book and understanding the book ourselves. But as I have read with others in mind it has definitely shaped the way that I read in general. I’m looking for things that might be helpful not just for my own questions and gaps in knowledge but for others too. This means that we might see things that otherwise we could easily have skipped over or not considered as important for ourselves personally. Suddenly reading takes on a new light. But isn’t that the point of a book review in the first place? I guess what I’m saying here is that the purpose behind a book review could be applied to lots more of our reading. Indeed it could apply to a whole range of content that we consume. That is, to read not just for ourself, but for the sake of others.

On that note, check out my video for the ‘Wards of Life’ review. It’s been approved by all the highest authorities – my mates.

Peace.

Why Bigvai and Shiphrah?

This is a blog by Robbie and Jemima Nichols, two christians who live in Sydney. We called our blog Bigvai and Shiphrah because for many people these may seem to be obscure names lost in the pages upon pages of people recorded in the Bible. Both of them were members of God’s people, and were evidently known by their communities in their times. And so likewise, this blog is written primarily with our own Christian community in mind.

We hope to write about things of faith – theology, what we’ve been mulling over, what we’ve been reading, and other things that people in our church and broader Christian community may find helpful.

Robbie and Jemima studied at Moore Theological College in Newtown and are currently involved in Urban Grace Church in Marrickville.