Remembering Ellie

This week my husband and I remember the birth, life and passing of our first child and daughter, Ellie.

It’s strange to think that it’s been a year. Recently my husband reminded me of something that Mark Thompson, the principal of our theological college wrote to us at the time: “Take hold of the God you know and who has hold of you both.”

I know that God is good, wise and faithful. And it has been humblingly comforting to watch him shower us with his love and kindness, through his people, in the months and year since Ellie left us. I am grateful. 

But despite this, I know that God is good, wise and faithful because of his son, Jesus. His love is shown in action in history – through Jesus’s life, and ultimately at the cross. And this is a statement of love that is definitive: it is how I know God loves me. His goodness towards me, his wisdom and his faithfulness are all shown there. 

I know from my own life how he has been faithful – holding on to me through various ups and downs. We may say ‘God is good’ when we feel his material and circumstantial blessings, and it is true that all things – including the beautiful goods we enjoy – come from him. But if we limit our understanding of God’s goodness to just the material goods we enjoy, then we will be unprepared to perceive his persisting goodness when times of testing and calamity strike. And I know that in his wisdom, our God sends times of hardship to discipline and refine his people – because he is a father who loves us.

And Ellie has been a blessing. 

Because of Ellie, I understood grief first hand, and how to better support others in such times.

Because of Ellie, my husband and I could connect with other couples who had suffered various griefs of their own – especially the lack of children. 

Because of Ellie, we were made vulnerable, and were blessed by our brothers and sisters in Christ who then had the opportunity to practically care for us – and through whom, we were reminded of God’s love.

And there is so much more.

So I am thankful for the gift of our daughter Ellie. 

And this year, the first anniversary, we have started to form our own family traditions to remember her with. Everyone grieves in different ways, but there is something joyful to having a fry up in honour of a loved one, and I look forward to future children enjoying this and remembering her through it too.