The call to steward whatever we have with all faithfulness is a lesson that I learned in the most difficult time of my life, when I lost my daughter Ellie on her eighth day of life. I knew she was going to die. So I had to decide how I was going to live in light of that reality.
There are a few ways that we make decisions in life as we seek to live ethically, or more specifically, with a Christian ethic. We can follow the commandments of the Bible. We can live according to how we were created to live. We can live as a reflection of God’s character. And we can live in light of the future – the new heavens and earth. Of course the Christian lives by drawing from all these different avenues of thought.
But before I write about how I came to live those eight days with my daughter, let me tell you what I had to actively suppress.
You see, we all live in a rather utilitarian society thanks to John Stuart Mill (amongst others). In our society we do whatever it takes to make the world a happier place but particularly to make ourselves happy. So it is that happiness becomes the goal and we make decisions in light of that goal, we pursue means to that end. This basically boils down to consequentialism, the result justifies the action taken to achieve it or at the very least ought to influence or even determine the action. That’s the basic gist of the current dominant worldview.
So why did I have to actively suppress this kind of thinking? First of all because I live in a world where one passively absorbs this sort of thinking without knowing it. Secondly and more pertinently, because I knew the result, I knew how the story was going to end. I knew my daughter would die, I just didn’t know when. In this sort of situation it’s very tempting to be gripped by another popular framework of thinking, Nihilism. Nihilism asserts that nothing you do in the end will really change the end, the outcome, and that nothing in the end has any meaning anyways. It is meaningless to try and change the end because you are only expending yourself for nothing. To try and live a meaningful life in light of a meaningless end is absurd. But some people think that living absurdly is a fitting response to such an absurd existence. I don’t buy it. I checked it out on ProductReview.com and it’s got some shady reviews.
Nevertheless, these are the kinds of thoughts that can grip one’s mind in times such as I’ve experienced. Indeed those are the kinds of thoughts that you may find assailing your mind and heart someday.
But instead of letting those ideas determine how I was to live those eight days, I chose another framework instead. Of the four ways that I mentioned earlier (creation, commands, future, character) three were particularly important (commands, future, character), but one more so than the rest – Character.
Although the future resurrection was an incredible source of comfort (and still is), it was not my source of guidance in regards to how to love my daughter in those eight days. Rather it was the character of God which taught me how to be a father to my daughter. Here I specifically think about the faithfulness of God.
I was called to be a faithful father to Ellie, whether for eight days or eight decades (if God was to work a miracle). The end of the matter did not matter at all. What mattered was how I was going to steward what I was given. So every day I had to give it my all just to be a faithful father knowing full well that a tidal wave of pain would soon be upon us as a family. It was very difficult to keep that kind of resolve up under such circumstances and were it not for the strength of the Lord I doubt I ever could. But God is faithful, that is his character, and he kept me faithful to my daughter – faithfully giving my all to her before we gave her back to Him.
Although Ellie has come and gone and is safely in the arms of the Lord, she has left an enduring mark, a lesson I hope to implement throughout all my life. Of course she has taught me many things, but this one I focus on today. We are called to be faithful with what we are given no matter the outcome. Doing so because of the faithfulness of God. Let it be said of you, that you are a faithful Christian no matter the role, circumstance or outcome, for such is God.
Bigvai and Shiphrah 