Mark Vroegop in his book on lament “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy” writes this,
“Finding an explanation or a quick solution for grief, while an admirable goal, can circumvent the opportunity afforded in lament – to give a person permission to wrestle with sorrow instead of rushing to end it.” (p.19)
This quote got me thinking about the way we often think in our society. It is not uncommon, in fact, it is becoming more prevalent to think that pleasure is the ultimate good while pain is the ultimate bad. Therefore we must seek pleasure and avoid pain. This presents itself in sayings like, “well as long as you’re not hurting anyone, do what you want.” Or, “do what makes you happy.”
So what do we do when we’re not happy? What do we do when the pain is upon us with such intensity that happiness is a very distant light at the end of a very long tunnel?
If we are working in this pleasure/pain paradigm, then the answer would be to run as hard and as fast as possible through that tunnel and into the light of pleasure once again.
Some thoughts on this.
First of all, Vroegop is telling us that to run away from this pain as fast as possible would be to miss an opportunity, or as he puts it “the grace of lament.” If we are not wrestling with grief and sorrow and pain, only seeking to end it as soon as possible, then we’ve done ourselves a disservice.
In his book, Vroegop points out the merits of sitting in pain and just wallowing (at least for a time). He talks about confronting pain and calling it what it is. Vroegop’s book is about biblical lament, and so he goes on to say that in your pain you have a special opportunity to turn to God in prayer, bring your complaints to God, boldly ask for relief, and ultimately to trust God.
That process is biblical lament. If we seek to run as hard and fast as possible down that long tunnel towards the light of pleasure, we will miss the opportunity to sit in the pain and complain, ask, and trust God.
Why am I highlighting this point? Because I think we will face the temptation to put our pains and our griefs and our sorrows behind us prematurely. We are, after all, products of our culture and in our culture pleasure rules and pain is the enemy.
A second thought, I think we actually want to face our pain. If we are aware of the practices of modern psychology then we may be aware of the need to face our pain and suffering. If that’s so, then how do we square that with the pleasure/pain paradigm? We probably say something like, “dealing with the pain here and now will lead to pleasures afterwards.” And that’s quite right, as they say, “no pain no gain.” But there are some pleasures and joys in life that we will never attain no matter how much we want to. Equally, there are some griefs and sorrows in life that we will never be rid of as much as we want that to be the case. If that is the case, then what are we to do?
If our overarching worldview is the pleasure/pain paradigm, then our life will always be, to a degree, a failure to fulfil this man-made mandate. This could lead to a vicious cycle, chasing after something that you will never attain, only to lead yourself further and further into the abyss of pain.
But if we have a biblical worldview, then glorifying God is our ultimate end, and one foundational means to this end is trusting him. Our trust in the Lord Jesus is perhaps shown most vividly through our griefs, pains, sorrows and weaknesses. In a sense, this completely upends the pleasure/pain paradigm. In another sense, in our pain and grief, we are looking forward in hope to the eternal pleasures of heaven. Face-to-face with the Lord Jesus, all of our tears and all of our pain will be eradicated. No matter our pain and sorrow now, we can say with the psalmist,
“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psa. 16:11)
Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2019).
Bigvai and Shiphrah 