Over the last few weeks I have been sorting things in our house. One of the projects was a bag of cards from our wedding, some four and a half years ago.
I quite like cards, and so I didn’t want to just chuck them out, but I did want to reduce the amount of space that they took up. It was a position that I evidently came to as a compromise between my husband’s Can-I-Chuck-It-Out minimalism and my restrained sentimental hoarding tendencies.
What I opened was a time-capsule into the community that was around us then.
April 2016 (the time of our wedding) was during our first full-time year at college.
I found:
A card from our Moore College first year group (who we had just met that term).
Cards from our past and current church communities.
Cards from art students who I had done ministry with.
Cards from family members and relatives – some of whom I rarely see, one of whom has since passed away, another of whom has never since visited us (because it would involve venturing into the city), but they were all there. Our wedding had an amazing attendance record when it came to family members and cousins – I am very grateful.
And there were also cards from other friends.
It was quite intriguing to read some of these cards and notes, because our relationships with some of the people who wrote them have since become significantly strained. And some others I have sadly lost contact with. We can never take friendship for granted.
I am grateful to say that the expressed wishes for my husband and myself to have a happy relationship have thus far been fulfilled. We can both honestly say that we have become very dear friends over the years since getting married. It was also wonderful to read some of the prayers in these cards, and to reflect upon how God has answered many of them in our own lives, moulding and shaping us through all the ups and downs.
However, a couple of the cards were also from married couples who have since divorced. Both of these couples were young, like us. One of them was a Christian couple.
I could feel the energy and joy of early married experience flowing through these cards. It was sobering to think that these people did not last together – and didn’t last all that long, either.
It was certainly a warning of the reality of relationship breakdown. Sadly, this is something that is often kept hidden from others until it is too late, and it makes me wonder how many of the other couples who were there at our wedding have since parted ways? Or are struggling and not telling anyone?
Amongst those cards there was also another one – from a fellow believer with whom I have had some significant falling-out in the past. But in this case we also forgave each other and reconciled. This is certainly not a light thing – there was residual pain for some years, but God healed our hearts, and over time our friendship has become much deeper and richer. Reconciliation is truly possible.
All of this encourages me to pray, and to persevere in seeking forgiveness and in giving grace. In this broken world no friendship is immune from trouble. But I take comfort that our God has the power to change hearts – including our own.
Bigvai and Shiphrah 