On Envy

For some months now I have been thinking about envy. Both myself at times feeling envious of others and realising that other people may feel envious of me. As I begin this, I need to say that this post is not intended to be negative, but rather a bemused reflection upon the irony of this vice. 

I’ll begin with a scenario: there are two people, both friends. One of them wanted to have a career in a particular creative industry but after their degree instead re-trained into a career path which took them into a stable and lucrative, albeit boring and at times stressful, full-time government job. Their friend also wanted to work in the same creative industry, but after their degree they went on to pursue this as a career, working an unstable part-time job to sustain themselves while they tried, with limited success, to get their freelance business up and happening. The first friend moved out of home into a rental. The second friend, however, stayed at home – apparently feeling unable to move out due to the instability of their income – although they did have some work in their chosen field. Some time later, the first friend entered the realestate market with the purchase of their first apartment. The purchase caused them great stress and they felt less than satisfied with the quality of the unit and its location, but they bought it nonetheless. In addition to this, they then faced the pressure of a mortgage and at the time felt trapped in a boring job. 

However, the second friend felt envious of them. Why? Because the first friend had a stable job and enough money to buy property and move out of home. 

Ironically though, the first friend also had reason to be envious of the second. Why? Because the second friend, although poorer, was pursuing what appeared to be a varied and interesting career – the very career that the first friend had originally wanted. 

Both wanted something that the other had. Both felt envious. 

This scenario is based off real people and real circumstances (albeit with details adjusted). But I write about it because for me it seemed to illustrate the sheer irony of envy. Who would envy the struggles and hardships that both people felt? And yet it is so easy to want just the good things that someone else has (particularly when we feel we lack them) and yet to be blind to the difficulties that are also part of their situation! 

Such realisations cause me to laugh at the ridiculous irony of my own envy when I become aware of it. Yet as I think about this irony, I see it playing out again and again in my own and other’s lives. 

The irony continues: a few years ago I got married. When my future husband asked me out I was going through a career-woman period, felt content being single and wasn’t thinking about looking to start a relationship. When we got engaged and then married I even had a period of feeling somewhat conscience-stricken that some of my girl friends who were single and dearly wanted to be married were still single – while I, who had not been looking for a spouse, had been given one (and he’s rather lovely too). However, in the process of adjusting to married life I then had times of feeling envious of the freedom of some of my single friends – quite possibly of friends who may have felt envious of me for different reasons. What a ridiculous situation indeed!

As I think about all of this, and the diverse situations that different people have, I am reminded that God is the giver of them all – and they are all gifts from him. I do not know why God gives particular opportunities and life circumstances to some people and different ones to others. Yet I do know that he is good. And ironically in each of them we have the decision to seek contentment or to entertain some reason to be envious of another. 

Some months ago, when I was endeavouring to stave off some particularly envious sentiments, I read Psalm 23. It might not seem like a proof text for such a subject (and it isn’t) but it was very helpful for me as I was reminded that God is the shepherd of each of his people. He is the one who provides us with what we need in each season (and here I am reading the line, ‘I shall not want’ as meaning, ‘I shall not be in need’). He is the one who gives us rest and restores our souls. And so, why should I be envious of what God in his shepherd-ly care has provided to another? He cares for me too. I’m not going to miss out on his care – because in his wisdom he will provide me with what I need – even though I may not always fully know what that is. And as he is the shepherd of each of us, I can be confident that he will care for my Christian friends too – each with their own particular struggles and enviable circumstances.